Send in the Clowns

Send in the Clowns. Or don’t. I mean, please do Not send in the clowns.

(CNN)It just had to be clowns, didn’t it? We couldn’t indulge in some good old-fashioned nationwide panic about, say, zombies or sexy teenage vampires. Nope, it had to be clowns and it had to be mere weeks before Halloween.

Thanks, America. This is just great.

Coulrophobia (n):

The fear of clowns. Not actually characterized as a psychological disorder, but completely understandable nonetheless.

Unless you’ve been hiding under a rainbow novelty wig, you know communities around the country have been perturbed by sightings of clowns or possible clown-related threats or any manner of creepiness ranging from flat-out hoaxes to actual credible events.

People have been arrested. Schools have sent out warning letters. Social media is crawling with creepy, homemade clown videos. And it came up at the White House media briefing this week.

I find nothing more creepy in life than Clowns. This creepy clown craze is Freaking me out. Perhaps because I grew up in Chicago and was terrified of the horrors of John Wayne Gacy, but I have never liked clowns. Truly, not even a fan of Bozo, whom a friend questioned me on yesterday. Not a fan.

Let’s move on from this obsession with Clowns. One of my more favorite quotes from the Oxford, OH police department regarding the possibility of clowns moving about campus and terrorizing students at Miami University:

“We found a lot of people looking for clowns,” McCandless said, but no actual clowns. “Nationally it’s gotten a bit out of control.”

“A bit out of control?” You think?

According to Rolling Stone, the sightings are part of a rapidly spreading epidemic of clown shenanigans taking place in the south and east coast areas of the U.S. Most often, the clowns wield weapons (whether they’re real or fake is undetermined), stare, whisper, gesture, or even attempt to lure adults and children into less inhabited areas. No violence has as yet been reported, but police have no idea who they are, what they want, or where they’re coming from.

Let’s move on to something that really matters… Go Cubs! Guess who is going to the game tonight! Thank you Connie! Cannot wait!