Rubs me the Right Way

I am a self-proclaimed “massage-aholic”.  Truly love them.  I’m embarrassed to say how often I’ve indulged.  Plus, Kevin’s hotel has a fabulous spa, so I partake whenever we are in San Fran as well… but, with anything good in life,  comes the, well…not so terrific.  Let’s just say I’ve had my fair share of odd massage incidents, including, but not limited to:

1.  The woman who continually passed gas while massaging me.  She kept spraying Febreeze, which got my feet and legs wet.  It was anything , but relaxing.  My friend Tom said I should have disputed the charge, saying the “masseuse, ran out of gas”.  🙂

2.   The male masseur, who started the massage, fully clothed ( which clues you in that it go weird), and ended it in jeans only…took off shoes, socks, sweatshirt and t-shirt during the massage.  “kneadless” to say, I never went back…oh, and pun intended. 🙂

3.  The masseuse who spun my legs around in the air, while not keeping the “modesty sheet” in tact.  That was awkward, and was the first time in a 90-minute massage, that I asked to be “paroled” at around 65 minutes…and not a minute too soon.

4.  The small, female masseuse, who climbed onto my back…yes, Onto my back.   She stayed there for about 15 minutes kneading my back.  Not sure what else to say.

And there are many more, and I can go on for days about the shenanigans surrounding my massages…however, I’d rather focus, instead on my newfound obsession:

Foot Finesse… a $28 hour-long foot, back, neck, arms and leg massage… you lay in a lazy boy chair, facing up first, and have your neck and shoulders done, then about 20 minutes on the feet.  You flip over, in the chair, and they concentrate on your back, neck and back of legs (and gluts)…  You are fully clothes, except for shoes and socks…and for $28, you Cannot beat it…The one I go to is in Schaumburg, and I will be a return visitor.  Many times.   They don’t have a website (which in this day and age, isn’t the best business practice, but I will forgive them, because they are fabulous), but google and see if they have one in your area, because they have franchises all over.  And Enjoy!!

I used to be a card-carrying member of Massage Envy for 4 years.  I paid a $59 per month membership fee, and received these benefits:

  • One pre-paid massage per month (rolls over to next month if not used)
  • Additional massages at a discounted rate – $39 for a 50-minute, after your $59 in the month
  • Reduced monthly rates for family members – though not for Meredith, which is where my happiness level quickly diminished.
  • Guest passes – won’t be using those anymore!

Unfortunately, when I brought Meredith with me, they charged me $79 for her 50-minute massage.  I found that to be in very poor form, seeing as she is a family member.  I brought it to their attention, and they said, “that’s the price”, so I  have now cancelled that membership – and can go twice to Foot Finesse, for the price of one massage at  Massage Envy.  I’ve had fantastic massages at Massage Envy, but this just goes to show you, that even the most loyal customers can leave.  They had sent a survey, via email, right after Meredith and I went for massages, and I promptly filled it out, and indicated that I was unhappy being charged $79 for my teenage daughter, and indicated I may drop my membership…and NEVER heard back.  That is extremely poor customer service and follow up…hence, they lost this loyal customer. 

But Oh Happy Day…Hello Foot Finesse…you now have a new, loyal customer.




  1. Wow, never heard of that place but will definitely check it out! Is there soft, relaxing music too? Your stories are hysterical and all the puns were appreciated. Oh Terry, only you!! TGIFF, and thanks for the laughs. Nice way to start the day.

  2. Makes me really want a massage now!! What is it with all these crazy things happening at your massages?? Is that typical?

  3. Sorry to hear about your trouble at Massage Envy. Still love my membership and Peter has now joined. Have had many foot massages and they are the best.

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